8 Signs You’re a Real Women
There was a time in my life when I really, desperately wanted a romantic relationship. To quickly summarize my relationship history at that time: I had been married and divorced, then had a long term relationship that ended in a broken engagement, and then had been mostly single for several years.
I say “mostly” because I had been floating in and out of a series short term relationships while simultaneously engaging in an on-again-off-again romantic/friendship/business/swirl-of-a-mess relationship with one person in particular.
During that time of being “mostly” single, I had been reading a lot of books about relationships. I was trying to find the key, that one key that would unlock the door to meeting the man of my hopes and dreams and having the type of committed, loving relationship I had always wanted.
And I remember one particular day, and this one particular moment when I decided I was done with players and fools. I decided that I wanted a “real man.” I began to think about all of the qualities that make up a “real man.” I even started creating a checklist.
I remember that I got really passionate about and, quite honestly, arrogant about what a “real man” was. I, unfairly, started thinking about “real men” as some kind of a superior race compared to the men I had been involved with. Waaayyy better men. Way better I thought.
And then something interesting happened. My own Self called me out on my own BS. In my head I heard this question: “And are you a real woman, Alison?” Whoa. That question stopped me in my tracks and I was instantly humbled. Because if I compared myself to this list I had just created, I couldn’t honestly say that I met my own criteria of “real.” It was a profound moment.
I remembered that one of the books I had read in my search for the magic, relationship key had said something that had stuck with me:
You attract and are attracted to your reciprocal.
And just like that, in an instant, I found the key. If I wanted a real man, I had to first be a real woman. I decided then and there that instead of spending my time and energy on finding a real man, I was going to put all my time and energy into being a real woman. The key I had been looking for all along was me.
Now, I didn’t become everything I wanted to be overnight. And, in fact, I am still in the process of becoming. But, here is the list I created for myself, the standard I hold myself to.
Real women:
Stay empowered.
Care about people.
Don’t whine or complain.
Don’t connive or manipulate.
Ask for what they want.
Accept that the answer may be no.
Negotiate to create the life they desire.
Realize they aren’t perfect and are always in the process of becoming a better version of themselves.
Now, this list certainly isn’t exhaustive, but I like to keep things concise and easy to remember. For me, this is the foundation of being a real woman. Especially the last point, real women aren’t perfect women. Being real isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being authentic.
Your list may be different than my list. That’s okay. You can’t be authentic trying to live up to someone else’s list. But, if you find that you aren’t attracting the partner you want, maybe you might want to take an honest look at who you are.
Ultimately, this is true for any relationship you are involved in—professional, friendship, romantic—whatever you expect from another, look at yourself first and ask if you embody that quality.
If you don’t, then you might have some work to do on yourself.